As I sat in bed watching my son with his finger jammed up to its knuckle in his nostril, hunting for that pesky booger, all I could think about was how much he reminded me of his Dad.
Chunky is a lot like my husband. †Sure there are qualities that heís acquired from me like my phobia of spiders and my infinite love of ice cream and flip flops and how you can tell that Iím truly happy is by the way I smile with my eyes and the way I wear my heart on my sleeve. †But other than that (ok and his absolute cuteness) he is not like me.
And that makes me relieved.
You see, I grew up surrounded by a lot of negativity. I was never smart enough, skinny enough, brave enough, confident enough, polite enough and on and on.
To them, I was just never enough.
All that negativity bore deep into my brain and soul and I began believing what was said about me. Even though I did my best to be perfect and what was expected of me, I still viewed any attempts at anything as flawed.
To me, I was just never enough.
Iím still not good enough.
And that was my fear when I got pregnant. That my son would grow up and be like me. Not liking himself for who he is, to constantly worry about being perfect, to always self criticize, and to not be confident in his best efforts.
To always feel less than good enough thatís a terrible feeling.
I try my best to instil a positive self esteem in him every day by encouraging him, by praising his efforts, by comforting him. He is so lively and outgoing and confident, and all the things I never was.
Just like his Dad.†
You can read more at All Work And No Play (http://www.makemommygosomethingsomething.com/?p=3883†)